Non-Tenure-Track career opportunities at Cow Eye Community College

Do you wish to help educate future leaders to become mindful, God-fearing, tax-paying citizens of the United States of America? Cow Eye Community College is accepting applications for adjunct faculty to teach the following subjects during the Fall 2022 semester: economics, composition, political science, gunsmithing, culinary arts, accounting, creative writing, practical alchemy, philosophy, phrenology, and remedial/developmental mathematics.

REQUIREMENTS: A graduate degree from a regionally-accredited institution is required; terminal degree preferred. Prior college teaching experience is preferred but not required. Salary negotiable. All vacancies are filled pending budget approval. Faculty members will uphold the mission and values of the college and foster effective working relationships with students and colleagues.

HOW TO APPLY: Interested parties may call or submit resumes c/o the President's office in Old Main. Please note that curricula vitae with mispellings will not be considered.

"Some glorify conflict; others demonize it. To the tantric mind, however, conflict is an inevitable thing, the rubbing of two sticks which brings fire. Or the friction between stone and windblown sand that shapes the hard earth around us. Conflict is as timeless as anything else. Yet inner conflict is also the antithesis of oneness. For the great secret of the universe comes not from the divisions that are inherent in conflict, but from the unity that comes from their reconciliation. And so tantra teaches us to transcend the opposites that reinforce conflict, whether they be male and female, emanation and dissolution, desire and attainment, climax and resolution, contingent and tenured, or even the stomach-churning tension between left-footed braking and right-footed acceleration. Under the guidance of an enlightened spiritual guru, all of the competing life forces will come together in a single moment of orgasmic clarity when the entire universe focuses upon a unified point of life-energy and bursts forward like the great explosion of semen, the resounding shudder of clitoral ecstasy, that only true union with god and the eternal universe can bring…."

- From Cow Country, Chapter 6: The Moisture in all Things